jane_and.the_dragon

I have a tenancy to put people I respect and admire on a high pedestal, because I look up to them so much for things they have done either for me or for others. I look up to them when they are honest and trustworthy, when they are caring and helpful. I look up to them when they will stand up for people that are being bullied by others.
There are some people that have a way of making you think you are special just because they add you to their friends list, like it is some special honor to be accepted by them. I am very easily convinced by people I respect that it is a special honor to be counted as their friend. It feels so good to have someone think you are worthy of their attention. Problem is those we put up on those pedestals sometimes fall off and come crashing to the ground. It is devastating when someone you thought was your friend not only takes you off their friend list, but joins those who try to pick away at your self esteem. It is kind of like they feel they helped build you up so they have every right to tare you back down.
I found this quote that I love : " YOU DIDN'T LOSE A FRIEND ! YOU JUST REALIZED WHO THE REAL ONES ARE!" I think that is not only and awesome quote it is also true. I have several really good friends both on and off line that I have had many years, and they accept me just as I am and i accept them just the same. We may have some disagreements or arguments, but we do not let these episodes end the friendship. Real friends can forgive in time. Anyone who can never forgive someone that called them friend was not a real friend in the first place.

I wonder why people will do things that will make you think they care about you , and make you care about them, only to turn around and cut your heart out by shutting you out. I have had a few people in my life who have essentially ghosted me. Even when I see them in real life sometimes the reason they turned on me is not clear. Let"s take this girl I was very close friends with in high school. I was sick for a few day;s and when I came back she did not even want to talk to me. We used to pass notes all the time, and when I asked her why she said I knew what i did. If I had know I would not be asking. She never did tell me why she was mad at me. I know for a fact I did not do anything that should have caused her to turn on me like that.
The same kind of thing has always existed. Most of you know I had a friend about 4 years ago now that totally cut me off. The difference with that one is, I do know what I did that made her mad. It was a bad idea when I did it . and cost me more then I thought it would. She still has not spoken to me. Now I wonder if she was ever really my friend, or if I mistook her kindliness for a real friendship.
A real friend will forgive mistakes you make in time. A good example of that is a friend of mine that I had a fight with about 8 years ago. I deleted her from all my on line things, but I did not put her on ignore. One day about 6 months later she showed up where I was on line and said she missed me and wanted to know if there was anything she could do to get me to forgive her. Fact is I missed her and I told her how she could get me to forgive her, and she did it. I forgave her, and she and I are still friends today. True friends will forgive in time if they were real friends in the first place.
I recently found myself crying over another person I thought was my friend , that no longer considers me a friend. I do not know why I cried unless it was a present she sent me laying here on my desk by my keyboard. I look at it and realize she does not even say hi anymore, if I speak first. I had hoped we would get past it some day, but it hurts to realize that may never happen. The one thing I have learned is you can not make people like you, BUT other people can make them not like you if they push the right buttons.

i want to close with this thought I saw somewhere years ago: ANYONE WHO MAKES YOU CRY IS NOT WORTHY OF YOUR TEARS, AND THOSE THAT ARE WORTHY OF THEM, WOULD NEVER MAKE YOU CRY. I am trying hard to reconcile that in my head. Sad part is it is not usually my head that controls my emotions it is my heart, and when it is broken it is hard to see the logic in a situation.

I saw something tonight you do not see often these days. Across the street there was a child jumping on a pogo stick. One does not see them a lot these days, but the truly interesting thing is the child had on a helmet. That is a really good idea, especially because he was playing near brick buildings. It just seemed strange when I first saw it. When I was a child no one ever used a helmet with a pogo stick. This is a sign of times changing over the decades. Back when I was a kid we did many thing that could have gotten us hurt and no one not even the adults ever thought what we were doing may be dangerous.
No one wore helmets back then, seat belts had not been standardized, riding in the bed of a pick up truck was a common thing to see. One of the things i really loved back then and we no longer see often was the rear facing seat in my dads station wagon. I loved sitting back there with my legs stretched out across the seat watching the world go by. No one ever though "Hey this may be dangerous to have the children setting in the backward facing seat with no seat belts on, until some children went flying out that back window when the car they were traveling in was hit by another car.
Back in the days when I was young the back seat had a larger shelf behind it. I remember many times crawling up on that ledge in the warm sun that came through the window and riding there. Mom and dad never told me to get down it may be dangerous, and I never got hurt. I remember one time we had went to get food , the store was several miles away. By the time we got the food and were on our way back i was getting tired, so I climbed up on to the ledge behind the back seat and fell asleep. When we got home my parents unloaded the car and just left me there sleeping as it was in our own yard. When I woke up and realized we were home I went into the house and asked my mom why she did not wake me. She said why? You were fine.
I was 10 years old before I ever wore a seat belt. When my little brother and I would go places with our oldest sister and her husband, he would insist the belts be locked before he would start the car. He had a brother that had falling out of a moving car when the car made a turn, and he crashed his skull on the road and died. My brother in law die not want this to happen again to another child. When I think of all the stupid things people did when I was young, and realize the same actions would have gotten them arrested, I wonder why it took people so long to realize these things were dangerous, even if they were fun.
I remember a time when my father took a whole pick up bed full of neighbors kids to a swimming whole one summer. I wanted to go, but mom would not let me or my little brother even though our dad was the one taking the kids. She was worried he would not pay enough attention and we would drown, so she said. I think the fact most of the kids going were boys. The only girl that went was my friend Mary Ann. I said to mom Mary Ann is the same age as me why can"t i go too? Mom said it does not look right all those boys and only one girl, and she was not gonna have people talking about me. Took about 6 years before I truly understood what she meant. The odd part about that trip was only 2 of the children he took with him were actually children of his friends the rest were neighbors kids that barely knew dad as we had only moved into that neighborhood a few weeks ago. EVEN THEN no way would I have allowed my children go riding to a swimming whole, ein the back of a pick up, with a man I did not know well. BUT I DIGRESS. Bottom like things have changed very much mostly for the better. I just wonder why it took so long for these changes to happen.
Odd that all that came out of me watching a kid won a pogo stick with a helmet on is it not?

It was a perfect day for a baby shower Saturday. My oldest great niece is having her first baby next month, and they had the shower yesterday. There were a few scattered showers, but they held off while the party was going on. I went with my oldest reg niece and my sister. I do not get to see my sister as much as I used to sense she is on dialyses 3 days a week, so it was really nice to get together. It was a coed party and our little brother was there. He lost a lot of weight; and now it looks good on him.lol He lookls a little like our grandpa now. Guess we are all getting older lol. The expecting mother looked beautiful in her blue dress. Her best friend is going to have a baby too, so I took a pic of them side by side. I love to take pictures and do it when ever I can. Everyone knows at family events I will have at least one camera with me, and if they will pose for at least one pic I will not bug them trying to get alot of them if they do not want me to. Many of them pretend to complain about me and my camera, but I noticed they all could not wait to see the dvd I made a few years back with years worth of old pics in them going back as far as I was able to squire them from my oldest sister. There were many good things to eat, and they had games and prizes. I won a jar of M&M's and, my sister won the big basket full of all kinds of snacks. The funny part of that is she is on a strict diet, and can not have most of the things in it, but her grandchildren can.lol When they dropped me off I told her not to eat them all at one time lol.
My youngest great nephews were having a lot of fun with the helium balloons. Some of them had confetti inside. I watched the older one eat about 6 cookies. That is odd for him, because when he is here his brother always looks for my candy jar, but the older one rarely wants any. I went over to my sister-in-law ( their grandma) and asked her if she had the kids tonight or was she giving them back to their mom later (she had to work). When she said they were going back to their mom I said Good because they are really loading up on cookies lol. Let their mom deal with the sugar high lol.
There was only one tiny bump in it all. My third great niece and her dad arrived late, and being a typical teenager she was a bit moody. She was annoying me a bit , so instead of telling her about herself, I just took my camera and walked outside, The landscape around the site of the party is quite beautiful. It kinda reminds one of what the days of Camalot may have appeared.
I walked around a bit and took a few pics and then went back inside, and enjoyed myself. I just let my niece set there sulking with her nose buried deep into her phone. There were many other relatives to talk to. The shock of the day was when a niece that rarely likes her pics taken asked me if I got enough pics around the time the party was braking up. I said I never got enough and asked her why was she volunteering to pose. She said yea she would pose with her oldest daughter, so i snapped a couple shots before she could change her mind. I wish our other sister had been able to make it, but their health is not well these days. :(
All in all it was a nice day and a beautiful event. I just hope all those rompers and oneness they got are in different size, because she got about 50 pair lol. I painted her a pic, and got a photo album. If you all want to see the pic I painted, it will be on my other account when i get it uploaded.

I have heard many times that pro wrestling is all fake. I keep telling people it is not fake it is choreographed. Many do not get that choreographed is not the same as fake. Every Olympic athlete in the world choreographs their performance. If things go well no one gets hurt, just like pro wrestlers. Sometimes mistakes are made and people REALLY do get hurt . It is no not part of the show. That is what happened to Big E. He landed wrong and messed up his neck. Luckily he is not paralyzed, and if all goes well he will make a recovery in time.
Even though some people think pro wrestlers and just actors putting on a show. They need to realize just like gymnast and other athletes that compete in shows, they really are athletes, and can get hurt for real when things go wrong. So next time any one wants to play the it is all fake card, ask yourself if you could do what they do and not bet hurt at all?